This was too good to not post!

I stole this video from Blair and I lurve it so I thought I would share!

Five Weeks

So... Cati informed me that I needed to update my blog, so here I am. I have been a slacker fo shiz. My bad, faithful 9 followers!

Last Tuesday, I had an U/S. It was using the good ol' dildo cam and I gotta say... not fun. All the U/S showed was an empty ute... which I'm trying not to stress about. The nurse told me that it was probably just too early and that my uterus seemed to be "changing" but also mentioned ectopic pregnancy and gave me a sheet with the warning signs and such. The girls on the first trimester board were super helpful and a lot of them had been in the same situation as I am in and gone back to have healthy babies! I have another U/S scheduled for a week from Wednesday and let me tell you, it's been going slooow so far. At my next ultrasound, I should be around 6 weeks 2 days so we should be able to see the fetal pole as well as a HB. I'll feel a lot better when I see that little flicker!

As far as symptoms go, I've only been tired and Mega Bitch. I have no patience at all and I've been losing it over NOTHING. I'm expecting to get sick in a couple of weeks like I did last time.

It's my goal to enjoy every day that I'm pregnant this time and not wish it away like I did last time. I immediately regretted how I spent my pregnancy after I had A. I bitched and bitched and I didn't even realize what a precious gift I had been given. This time will be different! If you catch me being negative, slap me in the face and tell me to read this post! :)

Loads of baby dust going out to Tara Jo! I heard that she finally got her hubby on the waggon! GL and have fun trying!

peace and love

Drumroll....

Yes, my dears. I am indeed KTFU!! I am so amazed and shocked and grateful and blessed and cautious. My good friends PEER PRESSURED me into testing at the end of 12 DPO and I'm so glad they did!! It was a really cool way to find out. As a reminder, we are not announcing it to the general public until the second trimester, so keep your lips buttoned!! I'll be calling the OB tomorrow and I'm sure they will want to see me soon on account of when I tell them the date of my last period, they will probably think that I am like four months along, and that's obviously not so. I'll update after I talk to them!

In other news, our house is sold and we just went under contract on our new house! I found out about our new house and about baby #2 yesterday, so needless to say, it was a GREAT day!

Be very proud of me!

I believe in all my months of TTC, 7 with Ashton, and this is my second cycle, 4th month trying, I have NEVER waited this long to test. I am now 11DPO and I usually would have already tested on 10DPO *just in case* I was one of those lucky ones who got an early BFP. This time, I'm either waiting until 14 or 15DPO. I bought a pack of 3 pee sticks tonight and I was rushing home to take one, but I talked myself out of it. Then I decided I would test first thing in the morning but I have already talked myself out of that as well... I just don't feel pregnant at all and don't want to see a negative test. I've seen at least 15 this "cycle" and I don't want to see another. I am hoping and praying that I am KU, but even with all perfect conditions and perfect timing, you only have a 25% chance of conceiving and I'm not optimistic that I am in that 25%. If I'm not, I am truly happy that I even ovulated, but worried at the same time that my next cycle will be as long and stressful.

Sorry I'm a Debbie Downer tonight!

Peace and Love

9 DPO

My symptoms today....

1. Huge wave of nausea that had me thanking God that A was napping at the time.
2. So amazingly tired that there was NO WAY I could have *not* taken a nap. I just wouldn't have made it.
3. Tearing up all night reading blogs, or at songs, or at commercials.
4. Some dull cramping this morning.

Honestly I'll be totally and completely shocked if I to turn out to be knocked up, for some reason I have been pretty pessimistic about it. Maybe because I've waited so long to even ovulate. I guess I had sort of already given up.

8 DPO and bitchy

So, if you could tell you were knocked up by how big of a bitch you can be, I'd SO be KU right now. I am sooo easily irritated and I've snapped at people like 5 times just today.

For example:

I went to see a house with my brother and the realtor was practically begging me to hire her to be our buyers agent. I didn't want to give her false hope, so I was kind of trying to dodge the subject. We left there and my brother informed me that I was a total bitch. Looking back, I guess I was.

And another:

Later on, DH and I were at the McDonald's drive through and I was trying to sleep because I am sooo tired. He first asks me to call my brother to see if he wants anything and I whine because I was ALMOST asleep, then, no one was taking our order and H kept saying "hello" over and over. Him saying "hello" so many times in the exact same way every.time turned some switch in me and I was [thisclose] to screaming at him, but I restrained myself and proceeded to yell at the speaker....

PS, did you know if you google image "McDonalds, this picture comes up?

OK back to me!

What's funny is that about week or so before I found out I was pregnant with A, I had just gotten done getting all over H for something stupid and his response was "I sure hope you are pregnant....." haha, and sure enough, I was. It was my very first symptom. So here's hoping!

As for other *symptoms* I drank the milk that was left in my cereal and I despise milk. I also have like no appetite today. Don't get me wrong, I've eaten :) Just nothing sounds great. I even passed up McDonald's to make a sammich.... even though I had one for lunch.

And, I'm getting a pimple.... sigh

Despite all of these dead give aways that I am KU, (insert sarcasm here) I don't feel like it at all... I guess we'll see when this 2ww is over... halfway there!

Oh, just want to say that the best part of American Idol tonight was watching Simon's face as the other judges were talking.

Peace and Love

Praise the Lord God Almighty in Heaven above, my ovaries have gotten their shiz together!!

JUST when I had given up all hope of ever ovulating, my God showed his sense of humor and churned my ovaries hardcore. I honestly feel like my body ovulated 3 times... perhaps once for every cycle that my body had forsaken me.
I had just gotten home from the hospital from visiting my friend who had her beautiful sweet baby girl when I started feeling like someone had reached inside my stomach, grabbed a handful of my ute, and twisted. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn AF was going to show her ugly ass. But then, lo and behold, I go pee and see EWCM... (sorry if this grosses you out. My TMI censor had been removed.) WTF, in all the months I tried to get KU with A I never saw that glorious EWCM. Never. I thought that was my problem, I took all kinds of supplements that are supposed to increase it and choked down green tea and nothing ever helped. I haven't been doing any of that shiz bc I was so freaking tired of the stress of it all. Anyway I tell DH that it seems as though I could maybe possibly be ovulating and needless to say, he was looking forward to what would come. :) I was laying in bed, chatting with my hottass friends and H had fallen asleep when I remembered that I had ONE OPK left. Normally, you are supposed to hold your pee for 4 hours before you test. Believe me, this is no easy task, especially when you drink as much water as I do. Anyway it had only been like 20 minutes since I had relieved myself and I decided to try anyway. And what do you know, I get *just enough* out to dip the little stick into. 3 minutes later and I am holding a pee stick with a digital happy face instead of the traditional empty circle I have grown so accustomed to. So, needless to say, we did the deed.
Now the waiting begins. I never thought I would be so glad to see the 2WW. Even if I don't get KU this cycle, I am so happy and relieved that I freaking ovulated! Hopefully my next cycle won't last 4 months, though. I finally ovulated on day 103... yes, you read that right, one hundred and effing three loooong days. So now, the 2WW doesn't seem like such a big deal when I waited 103 days to even ovulate. What's another 2 weeks?
As for the symptom tracking, I am now 4 DPO and am extremely emotional. This probably is totally insignificant as it's not totally out of the ordinary for me to have teary days... but hey, for the sake of getting my hopes up, we'll say that this is a "symptom"
Anywho, if you are the praying kind, please pray that I am KU and please say two prayers for my friends that are having trouble getting pregnant.

Peace and Love

Steaming Tears and Guilt

I've spent my night in a hot shower, bawling my eyes out, and praying for friends and it's so refreshing to be so broken. I haven't written it on my blog, and most of my friends have no idea that we are already wanting another baby. I feel like the most selfish person on the earth wanting another. I already have one. A PERFECT one. Seriously, A is amazing and I literally cherish every moment I have with him. It's just that ever since he was born, I've felt it placed on my heart to want another. I know that I am blessed beyond belief. Ashton is simply amazing in every way, and I know I don't for a second deserve another.
The whole time I was pregnant, I was miserable and I said it would be at least 3 years before I even would consider having another baby. Now, here I am, 6 months later,facing possible infertility and I am scared out of my mind.

I am not ovulating. It has been over 100 days since my last period and I honestly wonder if I will ever get to have that feeling again. Will I get to feel my baby turning flips in my belly? Will I get to 'birth' another miracle? Why did God place it on my heart to have another so soon after I was adamant that I didn't want another for a long time?

My close friend is fixing to have her first child. It took her one single cycle to get pregnant with her LO and preceded to tell me that it was because she "wanted it so much". Really?
I didn't "want it" bad enough during the 7 months it took H and I to conceive A? Because I'm pretty sure that I BEGGED God to give us a baby. Do I not want it enough now? Is that's what's going wrong now? Looking ahead I can just see her getting KU the very first time her H and her have PP sex... wouldn't that be a treat? Especially since she doesn't want another for "at least 3 years" and she thinks I'm crazy for wanting another so soon.
After thinking all of this I am bombarded with guilt. I have friends that don't have a child at all that are struggling. Where is the fairness in all of this? Why would God give me a child instead of my friend? I don't think for a second that it is because I would be a better parent or anything of the sort.
Tonight I honestly stood in the shower for an hour, with the water as high as it could go. When the hot water ran out, I sat down and cried and begged God for my friend to get her happy ending.(not the one that is fixing to have her baby) Life is not fair and I don't begin to try to understand it. We have to trust that God knows what he is doing and that he always has our best interest at heart and keep going through the tough times, which is 50 times easier said than done. So here is to having patience and trying to make it through the day to day, hoping it might be easier than the day before.

I hope you know who you are, and that I am praying for you all the time, and that God will bless you with your happy ending.

Peace and Love