Holy Hell, ya'll...

Um, so I've been building this huge freakout up for the last week or so and today, out it came. I knew I was feeling sad and hormonal so I tried to occupy all of my free time with reading the Twilight series(amazing btw). So anyway, I finished the last book of the series last night and so today I had nothing to do but just sit an think.
What the hell did I do?
Why would I want to have another baby when my baby is still such a baby?
I feel like I am totally ripping Ashton off. I'm NOT ready to split my attention between him and his little brother. He is TOO YOUNG to become a big brother. Not to mention that this baby isn't going to get near the attention that Ashton got as an infant. It simply isn't possible.
I work at the nursery at the YMCA and get to bring Ashton with me. You should see how he acts when I hold another baby that's crying. It's terrible. He crawls to me and gets the saddest looking face on and basically tries to claw his way up into my arms. How am I going to do this??
So all day I was just fighting back tears and we had our BIG u/s so my H was off work. He would ask me what was wrong when I would let a tear slip by and I would just say that I couldn't talk about it until I could really cry. So finally, after the u/s, I let it go. I totally bawled in the car and my poor H was so good. I know that we will figure it out. One of my main reasons for getting pregnant this time was so Ashton would have a friend. My brother is 10 years older than me and I always wished I had someone closer.
I have to try to remember that I freaked out like this with Ashton and looking back now, I feel like it was totally pointless bc everything just worked itself out after he was born.
These crazy hormones are getting old!

Fast naptime update!

OK I know it has been like 5 million years since my last post. My apologies! Since my last post, we have sold our house, bought a new one, got all moved in and now I hate it. I'm really hoping that it is just the pregnancy and that I will end up liking it later on, but for now, it seems like a house with my stuff in it and nothing more. SIGH. Hopefully we will get some time to paint and it will start feeling more like home.
This pregnancy is going fantastic. I've only gotten sick a handful of times and overall I am just feeling so much better than I did with Ashton.
Speaking of Ashton! He is crawling, pulling up, and so close to walking. He also has gotten four new teeth in the last week! It is so sad and exciting at the same time. I can't believe that I have started thinking about his first birthday party!
Here are some pics!

Mommy and A-town

Getting squeeky clean!

A quick belly pic

Ashton wanting to go play with his best buddies, the dogs!

Wet ass...

If my husband EVER leaves the toilet seat up again as to let me FALL IN in the middle of the night, I'll make it so he has to pee sitting down as well..... men.

Peace and Love

This was too good to not post!

I stole this video from Blair and I lurve it so I thought I would share!

Five Weeks

So... Cati informed me that I needed to update my blog, so here I am. I have been a slacker fo shiz. My bad, faithful 9 followers!

Last Tuesday, I had an U/S. It was using the good ol' dildo cam and I gotta say... not fun. All the U/S showed was an empty ute... which I'm trying not to stress about. The nurse told me that it was probably just too early and that my uterus seemed to be "changing" but also mentioned ectopic pregnancy and gave me a sheet with the warning signs and such. The girls on the first trimester board were super helpful and a lot of them had been in the same situation as I am in and gone back to have healthy babies! I have another U/S scheduled for a week from Wednesday and let me tell you, it's been going slooow so far. At my next ultrasound, I should be around 6 weeks 2 days so we should be able to see the fetal pole as well as a HB. I'll feel a lot better when I see that little flicker!

As far as symptoms go, I've only been tired and Mega Bitch. I have no patience at all and I've been losing it over NOTHING. I'm expecting to get sick in a couple of weeks like I did last time.

It's my goal to enjoy every day that I'm pregnant this time and not wish it away like I did last time. I immediately regretted how I spent my pregnancy after I had A. I bitched and bitched and I didn't even realize what a precious gift I had been given. This time will be different! If you catch me being negative, slap me in the face and tell me to read this post! :)

Loads of baby dust going out to Tara Jo! I heard that she finally got her hubby on the waggon! GL and have fun trying!

peace and love

Drumroll....

Yes, my dears. I am indeed KTFU!! I am so amazed and shocked and grateful and blessed and cautious. My good friends PEER PRESSURED me into testing at the end of 12 DPO and I'm so glad they did!! It was a really cool way to find out. As a reminder, we are not announcing it to the general public until the second trimester, so keep your lips buttoned!! I'll be calling the OB tomorrow and I'm sure they will want to see me soon on account of when I tell them the date of my last period, they will probably think that I am like four months along, and that's obviously not so. I'll update after I talk to them!

In other news, our house is sold and we just went under contract on our new house! I found out about our new house and about baby #2 yesterday, so needless to say, it was a GREAT day!

Be very proud of me!

I believe in all my months of TTC, 7 with Ashton, and this is my second cycle, 4th month trying, I have NEVER waited this long to test. I am now 11DPO and I usually would have already tested on 10DPO *just in case* I was one of those lucky ones who got an early BFP. This time, I'm either waiting until 14 or 15DPO. I bought a pack of 3 pee sticks tonight and I was rushing home to take one, but I talked myself out of it. Then I decided I would test first thing in the morning but I have already talked myself out of that as well... I just don't feel pregnant at all and don't want to see a negative test. I've seen at least 15 this "cycle" and I don't want to see another. I am hoping and praying that I am KU, but even with all perfect conditions and perfect timing, you only have a 25% chance of conceiving and I'm not optimistic that I am in that 25%. If I'm not, I am truly happy that I even ovulated, but worried at the same time that my next cycle will be as long and stressful.

Sorry I'm a Debbie Downer tonight!

Peace and Love