Holy Hell, ya'll...

Um, so I've been building this huge freakout up for the last week or so and today, out it came. I knew I was feeling sad and hormonal so I tried to occupy all of my free time with reading the Twilight series(amazing btw). So anyway, I finished the last book of the series last night and so today I had nothing to do but just sit an think.
What the hell did I do?
Why would I want to have another baby when my baby is still such a baby?
I feel like I am totally ripping Ashton off. I'm NOT ready to split my attention between him and his little brother. He is TOO YOUNG to become a big brother. Not to mention that this baby isn't going to get near the attention that Ashton got as an infant. It simply isn't possible.
I work at the nursery at the YMCA and get to bring Ashton with me. You should see how he acts when I hold another baby that's crying. It's terrible. He crawls to me and gets the saddest looking face on and basically tries to claw his way up into my arms. How am I going to do this??
So all day I was just fighting back tears and we had our BIG u/s so my H was off work. He would ask me what was wrong when I would let a tear slip by and I would just say that I couldn't talk about it until I could really cry. So finally, after the u/s, I let it go. I totally bawled in the car and my poor H was so good. I know that we will figure it out. One of my main reasons for getting pregnant this time was so Ashton would have a friend. My brother is 10 years older than me and I always wished I had someone closer.
I have to try to remember that I freaked out like this with Ashton and looking back now, I feel like it was totally pointless bc everything just worked itself out after he was born.
These crazy hormones are getting old!

Fast naptime update!

OK I know it has been like 5 million years since my last post. My apologies! Since my last post, we have sold our house, bought a new one, got all moved in and now I hate it. I'm really hoping that it is just the pregnancy and that I will end up liking it later on, but for now, it seems like a house with my stuff in it and nothing more. SIGH. Hopefully we will get some time to paint and it will start feeling more like home.
This pregnancy is going fantastic. I've only gotten sick a handful of times and overall I am just feeling so much better than I did with Ashton.
Speaking of Ashton! He is crawling, pulling up, and so close to walking. He also has gotten four new teeth in the last week! It is so sad and exciting at the same time. I can't believe that I have started thinking about his first birthday party!
Here are some pics!

Mommy and A-town

Getting squeeky clean!

A quick belly pic

Ashton wanting to go play with his best buddies, the dogs!

Wet ass...

If my husband EVER leaves the toilet seat up again as to let me FALL IN in the middle of the night, I'll make it so he has to pee sitting down as well..... men.

Peace and Love

This was too good to not post!

I stole this video from Blair and I lurve it so I thought I would share!

Five Weeks

So... Cati informed me that I needed to update my blog, so here I am. I have been a slacker fo shiz. My bad, faithful 9 followers!

Last Tuesday, I had an U/S. It was using the good ol' dildo cam and I gotta say... not fun. All the U/S showed was an empty ute... which I'm trying not to stress about. The nurse told me that it was probably just too early and that my uterus seemed to be "changing" but also mentioned ectopic pregnancy and gave me a sheet with the warning signs and such. The girls on the first trimester board were super helpful and a lot of them had been in the same situation as I am in and gone back to have healthy babies! I have another U/S scheduled for a week from Wednesday and let me tell you, it's been going slooow so far. At my next ultrasound, I should be around 6 weeks 2 days so we should be able to see the fetal pole as well as a HB. I'll feel a lot better when I see that little flicker!

As far as symptoms go, I've only been tired and Mega Bitch. I have no patience at all and I've been losing it over NOTHING. I'm expecting to get sick in a couple of weeks like I did last time.

It's my goal to enjoy every day that I'm pregnant this time and not wish it away like I did last time. I immediately regretted how I spent my pregnancy after I had A. I bitched and bitched and I didn't even realize what a precious gift I had been given. This time will be different! If you catch me being negative, slap me in the face and tell me to read this post! :)

Loads of baby dust going out to Tara Jo! I heard that she finally got her hubby on the waggon! GL and have fun trying!

peace and love

Drumroll....

Yes, my dears. I am indeed KTFU!! I am so amazed and shocked and grateful and blessed and cautious. My good friends PEER PRESSURED me into testing at the end of 12 DPO and I'm so glad they did!! It was a really cool way to find out. As a reminder, we are not announcing it to the general public until the second trimester, so keep your lips buttoned!! I'll be calling the OB tomorrow and I'm sure they will want to see me soon on account of when I tell them the date of my last period, they will probably think that I am like four months along, and that's obviously not so. I'll update after I talk to them!

In other news, our house is sold and we just went under contract on our new house! I found out about our new house and about baby #2 yesterday, so needless to say, it was a GREAT day!

Be very proud of me!

I believe in all my months of TTC, 7 with Ashton, and this is my second cycle, 4th month trying, I have NEVER waited this long to test. I am now 11DPO and I usually would have already tested on 10DPO *just in case* I was one of those lucky ones who got an early BFP. This time, I'm either waiting until 14 or 15DPO. I bought a pack of 3 pee sticks tonight and I was rushing home to take one, but I talked myself out of it. Then I decided I would test first thing in the morning but I have already talked myself out of that as well... I just don't feel pregnant at all and don't want to see a negative test. I've seen at least 15 this "cycle" and I don't want to see another. I am hoping and praying that I am KU, but even with all perfect conditions and perfect timing, you only have a 25% chance of conceiving and I'm not optimistic that I am in that 25%. If I'm not, I am truly happy that I even ovulated, but worried at the same time that my next cycle will be as long and stressful.

Sorry I'm a Debbie Downer tonight!

Peace and Love

9 DPO

My symptoms today....

1. Huge wave of nausea that had me thanking God that A was napping at the time.
2. So amazingly tired that there was NO WAY I could have *not* taken a nap. I just wouldn't have made it.
3. Tearing up all night reading blogs, or at songs, or at commercials.
4. Some dull cramping this morning.

Honestly I'll be totally and completely shocked if I to turn out to be knocked up, for some reason I have been pretty pessimistic about it. Maybe because I've waited so long to even ovulate. I guess I had sort of already given up.

8 DPO and bitchy

So, if you could tell you were knocked up by how big of a bitch you can be, I'd SO be KU right now. I am sooo easily irritated and I've snapped at people like 5 times just today.

For example:

I went to see a house with my brother and the realtor was practically begging me to hire her to be our buyers agent. I didn't want to give her false hope, so I was kind of trying to dodge the subject. We left there and my brother informed me that I was a total bitch. Looking back, I guess I was.

And another:

Later on, DH and I were at the McDonald's drive through and I was trying to sleep because I am sooo tired. He first asks me to call my brother to see if he wants anything and I whine because I was ALMOST asleep, then, no one was taking our order and H kept saying "hello" over and over. Him saying "hello" so many times in the exact same way every.time turned some switch in me and I was [thisclose] to screaming at him, but I restrained myself and proceeded to yell at the speaker....

PS, did you know if you google image "McDonalds, this picture comes up?

OK back to me!

What's funny is that about week or so before I found out I was pregnant with A, I had just gotten done getting all over H for something stupid and his response was "I sure hope you are pregnant....." haha, and sure enough, I was. It was my very first symptom. So here's hoping!

As for other *symptoms* I drank the milk that was left in my cereal and I despise milk. I also have like no appetite today. Don't get me wrong, I've eaten :) Just nothing sounds great. I even passed up McDonald's to make a sammich.... even though I had one for lunch.

And, I'm getting a pimple.... sigh

Despite all of these dead give aways that I am KU, (insert sarcasm here) I don't feel like it at all... I guess we'll see when this 2ww is over... halfway there!

Oh, just want to say that the best part of American Idol tonight was watching Simon's face as the other judges were talking.

Peace and Love

Praise the Lord God Almighty in Heaven above, my ovaries have gotten their shiz together!!

JUST when I had given up all hope of ever ovulating, my God showed his sense of humor and churned my ovaries hardcore. I honestly feel like my body ovulated 3 times... perhaps once for every cycle that my body had forsaken me.
I had just gotten home from the hospital from visiting my friend who had her beautiful sweet baby girl when I started feeling like someone had reached inside my stomach, grabbed a handful of my ute, and twisted. If I hadn't known better, I would have sworn AF was going to show her ugly ass. But then, lo and behold, I go pee and see EWCM... (sorry if this grosses you out. My TMI censor had been removed.) WTF, in all the months I tried to get KU with A I never saw that glorious EWCM. Never. I thought that was my problem, I took all kinds of supplements that are supposed to increase it and choked down green tea and nothing ever helped. I haven't been doing any of that shiz bc I was so freaking tired of the stress of it all. Anyway I tell DH that it seems as though I could maybe possibly be ovulating and needless to say, he was looking forward to what would come. :) I was laying in bed, chatting with my hottass friends and H had fallen asleep when I remembered that I had ONE OPK left. Normally, you are supposed to hold your pee for 4 hours before you test. Believe me, this is no easy task, especially when you drink as much water as I do. Anyway it had only been like 20 minutes since I had relieved myself and I decided to try anyway. And what do you know, I get *just enough* out to dip the little stick into. 3 minutes later and I am holding a pee stick with a digital happy face instead of the traditional empty circle I have grown so accustomed to. So, needless to say, we did the deed.
Now the waiting begins. I never thought I would be so glad to see the 2WW. Even if I don't get KU this cycle, I am so happy and relieved that I freaking ovulated! Hopefully my next cycle won't last 4 months, though. I finally ovulated on day 103... yes, you read that right, one hundred and effing three loooong days. So now, the 2WW doesn't seem like such a big deal when I waited 103 days to even ovulate. What's another 2 weeks?
As for the symptom tracking, I am now 4 DPO and am extremely emotional. This probably is totally insignificant as it's not totally out of the ordinary for me to have teary days... but hey, for the sake of getting my hopes up, we'll say that this is a "symptom"
Anywho, if you are the praying kind, please pray that I am KU and please say two prayers for my friends that are having trouble getting pregnant.

Peace and Love

Steaming Tears and Guilt

I've spent my night in a hot shower, bawling my eyes out, and praying for friends and it's so refreshing to be so broken. I haven't written it on my blog, and most of my friends have no idea that we are already wanting another baby. I feel like the most selfish person on the earth wanting another. I already have one. A PERFECT one. Seriously, A is amazing and I literally cherish every moment I have with him. It's just that ever since he was born, I've felt it placed on my heart to want another. I know that I am blessed beyond belief. Ashton is simply amazing in every way, and I know I don't for a second deserve another.
The whole time I was pregnant, I was miserable and I said it would be at least 3 years before I even would consider having another baby. Now, here I am, 6 months later,facing possible infertility and I am scared out of my mind.

I am not ovulating. It has been over 100 days since my last period and I honestly wonder if I will ever get to have that feeling again. Will I get to feel my baby turning flips in my belly? Will I get to 'birth' another miracle? Why did God place it on my heart to have another so soon after I was adamant that I didn't want another for a long time?

My close friend is fixing to have her first child. It took her one single cycle to get pregnant with her LO and preceded to tell me that it was because she "wanted it so much". Really?
I didn't "want it" bad enough during the 7 months it took H and I to conceive A? Because I'm pretty sure that I BEGGED God to give us a baby. Do I not want it enough now? Is that's what's going wrong now? Looking ahead I can just see her getting KU the very first time her H and her have PP sex... wouldn't that be a treat? Especially since she doesn't want another for "at least 3 years" and she thinks I'm crazy for wanting another so soon.
After thinking all of this I am bombarded with guilt. I have friends that don't have a child at all that are struggling. Where is the fairness in all of this? Why would God give me a child instead of my friend? I don't think for a second that it is because I would be a better parent or anything of the sort.
Tonight I honestly stood in the shower for an hour, with the water as high as it could go. When the hot water ran out, I sat down and cried and begged God for my friend to get her happy ending.(not the one that is fixing to have her baby) Life is not fair and I don't begin to try to understand it. We have to trust that God knows what he is doing and that he always has our best interest at heart and keep going through the tough times, which is 50 times easier said than done. So here is to having patience and trying to make it through the day to day, hoping it might be easier than the day before.

I hope you know who you are, and that I am praying for you all the time, and that God will bless you with your happy ending.

Peace and Love

Blink and you miss it...

My little man is 6 months old! I can't believe how time has gone by so quickly. It seems like yesterday and ages ago at the same time that I was pacing my living room, trying to get a little baby to sleep. Now, he sleeps like an angel in his own crib and thankfully there are no more sleepless nights. I am so blessed and these last six months were hands down the best of my life!
I thought I would do a post of pictures to show how much he has grown!

Here is the day he was born and him today:

First car ride and today: can you see a difference?

So in six months he has gone from weighing 7 lbs. 1 oz. to 18 lbs. 6 oz. and gone from 18'' to 28''! He is in the 75th percentile for weight and 90th for height. I guess he's going to be tall like his daddy!

Peace and love

Milestone Mania!

**This post will be all about Ashton**
Wow, we've had a huge week! If I were to have taken a vacation this week, I would have come home to a totally different kiddo. First, he has started to roll all over his crib, and mostly sleeping on his side or stomach, so we had to ditch the miracle blanket. Second, he has started grabbing at everything, especially food or drinks that we have! Today, he reached up at me to pick him up which I had been hoping would happen soon, it was so sweet! And in the truck this evening he said "da-da" which made his daddy oh so happy... I feel a little jipped (sp?) though. I've been trying to get him to say "mama" since we were still in the hospital.... Ah well, such is life as a mother! I'm so proud of my little guy!

Surprises

So this morning I dragged my fat ass out of bed and over to Weight Watchers to weigh in even though I was sure that I had gained this week. Damn Potluck dinners and my mom for sending me a Coconut Cream Pie. I don't even like coconut, and she just had to tell me that the only coconut was on the top. So I decided to try it not knowing that I would fall in love with the cold creamy goodness left underneath.... I'm pretty sure I ate at least half of the pie all by myself. Anyway, I haven't even worked out one day this week either. So I sleep walk in to WW at 6:50AM and warn the lady that I've gained, I know this and I have come to terms with it. Then this wonderful woman tells me I've lost half a p0und! Now normally half a pound would probably disappoint me, but, when you go in expecting to have gained 3 lbs, losing half of one is awesome!

I'm extremely tired as I was up chatting it up with my nestie besties until 1AM or so. Luckily, my mom is on Spring Break so she's taking A for the afternoon so maybe I can get a nap in. I'll need one today since tonight is our monthly nestie GTG which should be a lot of fun!

In Ashton news, I'm fully switching over to cloth diapers! I made a huge order last weekend and now I'm just waiting to get them in. I've been prepping the prefolds that I have already gotten from a local store. I'm excited for the rest of my stash to come in and I will have to be sure to take some pics while they are all clean. Oh and you should know, I'm no hippie. I'm cloth diapering strictly because I don't like throwing my money away.

PS I hate Dora the Explorer

Peace and Love

This bitch is slackin...

UGH. The last couple of days I have totally effed up my weight watchering. I went to a little party last night where I took my lasagna rolls, which are so not weight watcher friendly and there was a variety of amazing food. Couple that with all of the inihibition lowering drinks that I consumed, and I wasn't too concerned about the diet.

I finally got home around 4AM and wow, what an amazing H Tim is. He didn't complain once and even got up with A when he woke up for his middle-of-the-night-feeding. I woke up around 8:30 completely proud of my little guy because I thought he had slept completely through the night... but no, he woke up around 5:30 and Tim just took care of it without me even having to ask. So, boo that A didn't STTN but YAY for Tim being an awesome H and daddy.

Have you ever had that friend, that after a long night of drinking, wakes up at the ass crack of dawn way too perky when all you want to do is stay in your peaceful drunken sleep for at least 10 more hours? Yeah, that's me. So on behalf of all of us ass crack of dawn wakers, I am truly sorry. I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep totally ready to get up and start my day. Of course this of all days is the day that A decides to get the "we sleep in on Saturday's" memo and the little stinker sleeps until 10:20. WTF? All of those mornings after I have stayed up til 2AM chatting with my fellow online skanks and you wake up at 7? I don't understand this kid.

Peace and Love

Random facts that you don't care to know about me

For my first post, I thought I would do a bunch of random facts about me so you could know a little about whose blog you're reading!

And we're off....

1. My name is Dani, I hated that name growing up but I have come to lurve it and I couldn't imagine having a different name now.

2. I got married to my wonderful, stud of a husband, Tim on 7-7-7

3. I had no idea what a huge wedding day that would be.

4. I have one kiddo, Ashton Scott, born September 30, 2008

5. He's perfect, and I will never think any different.

6. I have a weakness for Vodka Tonics and strong Margaritas on the rocks.

7. I love small dogs, and my husband has been such a trooper, as he is every stereotypical definition of a "man'' and of course his ideal dog is some sort of big dog, ie. lab or German Shepard.

8. I have a sweet tooth the size of California. I'm desperately trying to give them up for Lent, but I keep slipping up... I find myself having to repent daily.

9. I am really trying to lose my pre-baby weight. I had gained a few lbs before getting knocked up and I would like to see all of it gone.

10. I do weight watchers and will probably post recipes and such on this blog.

11. I am a city girl, through and through. I have only been camping once, and I left after the first night... I don't plan on ever doing it again.

12. Speaking of cities, New York City is top on my lists of best places in the world, not that I have a lot to compare it to.

13. I have a weakness for home decor. I am constantly redecorating my house, one room at a time. I would love to be an interior decorator.

14. I try to read, but I am so addicted to my television that I have a hard time finding the time!

15. I am terrified of failing as a mother.

16. My political values are opposite of my parents. I have a hard time telling them this, so a lot of the time, I pretend to agree with them.

17. I have about 10 tv shows/week that I can't miss.

18. I love American Idol, and that is pretty much the extent of my reality tv watching

19. When I was a little girl, I refused to wear pants, I always had to be wearing a dress.

20. I am as girly as a girl as I can get.

21. I am a licensed cosmetologist.

22. Fall is my favorite season.

23. Christmas is my favorite holiday.

24. I never ever wear white socks.

25. I don't want to be a lame mom.

26. I'm crafty.

27. I have a hard time finishing said 'crafts'

28. I love pizza.

29. I went to OU, worked at OU, and all of my family are huge OU fans, but I really don't care about it at all.

30. I hate the sound of sports on television.

31. I'm OCD.

32. I like to do laundry and clean and organize my house.

33. I very rarely leave my house without makeup on.

34. I might die if I didn't have a flat iron.

35. I used to wear heels everyday, but since having Ashton, I have discovered the wonderful world of cute flats.

36. I could live in jeans.

37. I am very particular about the blanket/sheets on my bed and I can't sleep unless I have my down comforter and specific sheets.

38. I love big sunglasses.

39. I don't think it's fair how there are at least 6 cute little girl's outfits to every 1 cute boy's outfit in every store.

40. I really have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life and I don't know how anyone ever chooses.

41. I hated every second of high school.

42. I do miss the fact that I didn't have any responsibilities, but you couldn't pay me to go back.

43. I can't spell, don't make fun of me.

44. I'm a "digital mom"

45. My husband hates that I am on the computer so much, but he's on his PS3 a lot, so we're even.

46. I want to have a lot of kids, like, Duggar style... OK, not really that many, but I want a lot.

47. I'm trying to learn how to cook, sometimes it goes well and other times......

48. I love taking pictures and take far too many of Ashton :)

49. I have one older brother, Jeremy, and one girl who is as close as a sister, Brittany.

50. I can't think of anything else!